I haven't been doing too good. I was making myself not cut, and was doing great. I mean I already had over 300 scars...why make more?
One night last week or so..I had a breakdown. Again. I've been having them frequently this month. Me and my boyfriend broke up, i'm having problems with my friends, not doing well in school, and my family they just hate me more then ever. Well..it all finally got to me, and I broke down. I grabbed a new razor blade, and cut. My ankles, my thighs, and my arm. I cut and cut and cut....and I couldn't stop bleeding. I covered a whole towel with blood...and they just wouldn't stop. I layed there, shaking on my bed [literally]....and I was in so much pain. I seriously thought I was dying, and they hurt so much, and they wouldn't stop bleeding, and if they did, they would start bleeding again.
Well I had to get up and do something, because I couldn't just lay there, by that time the shaking had stopped, but not the pain. I ended up counting...and I had 220 or more cuts. They were deep, and nasty.
It really hurt, I couldn't walk without pain for about two days afterwards.
I thought I was doing good, thought I wasn't going to cut, then stuff happens, and I go out of control like that. I have probably about 550 scars total...it's pretty sick. Those are just the scars that I've seen/can see, because some cuts dont scar.
Somebody in school saw my arm yesterday, because I didn't wear a hoodie. He was going to go tell an administrator about it today, but I told him not to.
Ugh..I think that's it.
~your favorite chainsaw kitty~